Everyone has dream jobs that aren't even real that they'd love to have. One of my fantasy jobs would be an undercover driver's ed cop. Let me explain.
For anyone who does a lot of in-town driving, you're bound to come across many really, really bad drivers. The other day I was behind a clueless one. She was the kind that notified you she's on the verge of taking a right hand turn...in about a half a mile. She drove past every major intersection with her ticker flashing. At first I hit the brakes and prepared for her upcoming turn, but when I saw her continuing to drive I got frustrated. Does this old bag know she has her ticker on? When is she going to get out of my way? When she finally decided to turn off the road, she made an ever-so-slowly and exaggerant wide turn into her driveway (which took a good three minutes). In the meantime, I'd given up hope she would ever turn, so I hit the brakes hard when she finally did and my teeth left an imprint in my dashboard.
My dream is to have one of those portable cop lights, you know the kind cops from TV shows in the 70s would pull out of their car and tack to the top of their roof? I'd flash my little light and then nail this driver with a fat ticket (a portion payable to me as I work on commission). Being an undercover driver's ed cop would come in handy for so many bad-driver incidents. I would truly make the word a safer place.
I'd also like to bust the "should I, shouldn't I?" drivers. I saw one the other day idling on a side street, waiting for a spot to open to join traffic on a major road. The guy jerked his car forward, thinking he should merge into traffic, but then realized he shouldn't and stopped himself. The guy got anxious, thinking he'd never have an opportunity to get onto the road so he found the hutzpah he never knew he had and gunned his Ford Festiva out into the street right before I passed by him. I screamed an expletive and had to rely on the defensive driving skills Mr. Farina taught me in driver's ed fourteen years ago. Hey, we've all been there, but etiquette demands that if you're the Festiva you gas your car to full throttle to catch up to the speed of the car you just cut off, not put your car in Sunday drive mode like this guy did. Cue my portable cop light.
I think the greatest satisfaction of my dream job would be to bust fellow cops. How many times have I wished I had my little light (and the proper credentials) to nail an officer for cruising through a right on red? The worst is when I see a cop stuck in traffic and he turns his siren on to clear the intersection because he doesn't feel like waiting for the light to turn. At least if a cop is going to do that, he should respect the driving peons he just blew off and keep his lights on and pretend he really was needed for an emergency until he's out of site. It's a true dis when you see cops turn their lights off 50 feet from the intersection they just cleared and then proceed to roll into a Dunkin' Donuts.
Book 'em, Dano.
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1 comment:
That would be awesome
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